This Night

On this night, an old friend is dying and a new friend labors.  I toss and turn.  My husband sleeps soundly next to me, strong and resilient from the day.  The dogs, warm and tucked under the covers between us, have years promised by our side.  Counting flocks will not be sufficient tonight.  Maybe I'll keep vigil instead.

Tonight, I think about Mike exclusively.  The friend who labors is just fine, especially with the hope of a baby in her arms.  Still, to compare the birth of a baby with a life ending too soon, it is all too much.  We rushed to the hospital tonight, our plan to see him Friday eliminated.  I stroked his forehead, whispered "we are going now Mike, we will miss you, but we will see you again" in his ear, and gently kissed his hand before leaving.  His wife, Pat, so positive and sturdy, hugged us tightly.

I swallowed the tears until Pat laid in the bed with Mike and told him who had come to visit.  "You brought so many people into my life, you did so well my love," she shared. Poetic.  K later thanked me for the same, though indirectly, by moving here.  "Look at this circle of friends we have, almost like family," he said.  Though some have moved in and out, he was right.  I replied I wished we had met them all a bit sooner and danced with them at our wedding.  It seemed only right these people should be part of our biggest day.  But, our big days don't begin and end there.  The days like this night, with the friends who will stay even when gone, are just as important.  I think too often of the friendships which are lost, what had happened, what could have been done differently.  I dwell on them too much, because I miss the connection and regret the outcome.  But, that's life.  Loved ones will come and go, through choice or circumstances.  Tonight, we said good bye to one friend who will leave with our love in his ear, and I couldn't ask for anything more than that.

Tomorrow, we will be greeted with good and bad news.  Like most days.  We will continue to do the best we can with what we have and try to expect the same in those around us.  Life will march on and most of the time we will take things for granted.  This is the nature of us all.  But whenever I look down at a cup of coffee, or see a Navy hat, or hear about New Orleans cuisine, I'll think about Mike-- his booming voice, unrelenting determination, and strong embrace.  And I'll think about making the day count before I run out of opportunity. I'll look up at the sky and promise to keep fighting the fight.  Keep bringing new members into my world.  Keep trying to make my community better.  Keep counting the blessings before me.

My heart is engraved with the sights and sounds of this night.  Sleep peacefully and go forth, Councilman.  We will take it from here.