In Between

I sat up in bed frustrated last night, as if I had forgotten to cross something off my list recently.  Except it was more than that.  Except, really, it wasn't like that at all.  I couldn't pinpoint what was the core of my frustration, only able to skim the surface of what may be causing my furrowed forehead.  It didn't cause a lack of sleep but it didn't sit well with me either.

"Is there something else we should be doing right now?" I questioned K.  "Not, right now this instant, but around this time?"

He, in the middle of completing a master's degree and days removed of staying at his job until dawn, couldn't come up with any missing agenda item on our life to do list.

But, I couldn't shake the feeling there was an oversight.

So we dug deeper.

Others are buying houses, having kids, and settling in. In between the usual dreams of property and descendants, we exchange plans for promotions, projects, and academia.  We are waiting for the right piece of land, enjoying the duo we've created, and searching for a balance of permanent and improvised.  Still, it's common to want what you don't have. But, K reminds me, it's also sometimes better to dream about what is not yet achieved.

A little bit deeper now.

"This is a funny time in our lives." I say.

We grow up with milestones: crawling, walking, preschool, 5th grade, graduation, marriage. First this and that.  Each year of our time on earth marked by a new event or turning point.  "And then," I explain, "you have kids and you watch them grow and it all repeats itself."

So what about this time right now, when there are no life events in the horizon, just him and me?  We work hard, satisfied and fulfilled with our careers, spend the rest of the time together, thrive with healthy social circles, and try not to alter anything in a big way just yet.

Finally, the core.

"Do not put yourself, or us, on anyone else's time line," he says.

I am finally able to relax, now understanding we are where we should be.  It may be like this for a bit or life might be transitioning without our awareness.  Whatever this time is suppose to be, I will cherish it.  Sometimes I look at K and think we would be enough for this lifetime.  Our bond and friendship is the most important relationship I will have.  But we know other things are in our future, no matter how we get there.  This time, this moment in our life together, though strange and lacking major celebration, will be remembered as the plaster which reinforced our foundation.

In the meantime, we will be happy.  And maybe always a bit uneasy, for there remains a drive in both of us to cross more things off lists.