Ice

 

I have nothing prolific to say except that I have spent the last few weeks in this position or teeter-tottering my way on two feet.  Surgery was successful and surprisingly positive from the doctor's perspective.  Bittersweet Symphony played overhead when I entered the OR and I thought it was just the weirdest, almost out-of-body experience.  The nurse who took care of me is an acquaintance and says after, I asked immediately if I could go now.  Little I remember, except that it was fast and for a while painless, the worst being the IV in my hand. 

 

For now, the out-of-body continues.  Though the knee is functional and I threw the crutches to the side after two days, part of it is numb. A pin-prick numbness that is also painful with the slightest touch.  All of it is swollen.  The rest of my body feels sluggish and underutilized.  I long to participate and work up a sweat.  The doctor tells me "you will become a swimmer" and running is not a good idea.  He, my family, the physical therapist, everyone says to slow down, take it easy, relax.  But no.  I want to thrive! to explore! to conquer! to kneel at least. 

 

The doctor rents out an ice machine in the form of a cooler connected to a motor, connected to tubing, which wraps around the knee and circulates fresh ice water.  It hums quietly.  I should use it three times a day.  But, I'm restless.  Tired of laying around, instead interested in strengthening muscles and picking up the pace.  Yet, here I am, icing.