Year Three

I've been writing this post in my head, typed out half of it two nights ago, and purposely deleted it just now.  Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself to write something grand.  Maybe nothing I've ever written is that grand.  That isn't the point.  We were watching the Olympics this weekend, and I thought, to get that perfect score, you just have to block your mind out, and not think about anything you're doing.  Only wake up a little bit later and realize that you were semi-conscious.  That's with anything: music, writing, working under pressure, and most of all life.  Because, when you really think about what you're doing, you're getting rid of all that natural stuff. 


Tonight I wrestled with just reading, or blogging, or reading blogs.  I'll end up blogging in my head when I read, or drive, or work.  Then it disappears when I put it to pen, or record it outloud.  Lately, there is a disconnect with what is flowing in my mind and what shows in type.  Which makes me think that I'm probably doing a good job witnessing my own life, becoming more self-aware, and putting into practice what I'm trying to accomplish.  Or, my mind is just too busy that I'm not able to achieve that sort of back of the mind writing.  Its like playing the piano.  If I close my eyes, and not think ahead of the notes, it all comes back to me.  The fingers connect with the brain, or maybe the memory of how I use to play.  If I close my eyes and type, and not think about the mistakes that I'll make with spelling or punctuation, then I'll just write from the soul and not second guess what I'm trying to say. 


There are moments when I purposely do something so that I can write it down and share.  There are others when I think, stop taking pictures and just record this in your mind.  If its really important, you'll remember it someday.  This blog is the middle ground for all that.  Sometimes its about adventures that I commit to online, other times its about memories that I can write about and save for a later memory.  But, most of all, it is an atlas of 24 through 27.  Important, significant years, full of mostly average days, lessons, celebrations, and travels. 

Today, I witnessed one achieve a milestone in age, while another slipped far beyond this world.  Across the hall, she donned with pink balloons and flowers, and she with a wash cloth across her head and Sinatra singing her into Heaven. It wasn't something that I haven't experienced before, but I was just taken back at the comparison of the day.  I knew cake was being served any minute, and I also knew that a soul was preparing itself that same afternoon.  What a cross-road of life.    We all are responsible for our own lives and how it will be carried out.  And we are responsible to inspire others with their own.  

I started this blog because I was homesick and incredibly depressed.  And by writing mostly about my dogs, an often glamorized version of my homestate, the things I wanted for myself out of life, and the feelings that I experienced along the way, I have transformed.  Depression isn't even a consideration anymore.  It isn't seasonal.  It isn't a diagnosis that I'd consider to put down.  Instead, I know that most days, I push myself to be ever present, whether totally conscious-to-the-moon-in-love-with-life, or that semi-conscious, you're doing a perfect job without even realizing it. 

Because maybe I want the balloons and the Sinatra at the end.  It might just be that kind of life. 

Happy Anniverary Blog.