Staring at the Pacific

I haven't seen this view in seven years. Back then things were different, not better but different. The ocean didn't engulf me as it does now. I took it for granted. Id only seen one. 

Now I'm in awe. The waves so different than the East. The beach much sandier than I remember. The layers of the water so complex. Mysterious, dangerous, waiting to be explored or cautioning to stay away. I think winter is the best season to experience it. The sun shines today and my sneakers sink into the wet sand. The beach filled with gulls, visitors, and cars. No coolers or volleyballs in sight, just cameras, dogs, and sweaters. True Washington. 

I take pictures of scattered shells, none intact, and tell myself to stop and breathe it in. Remember this. So in a few more years you can remember where you were today and where you're going tomorrow. 

New

It seems like the right time to buy in to the season and implement some good change.  Usually I celebrate the new year but ignore the hype and keep trucking along with whatever I was doing before.  This year though, I'm excited to get started. 

 
I quit my terrible job and went somewhere that made me happy.
This was the biggest change.  I was simply miserable and nothing else seemed important at the end of the day.  Life is too short to waste on people who don't want you around.  Find something else and go for it. 

Finished a quarter.  One down, three to go.  I got this. 

Aired old grievances and started fresh. Friendships need nurturing and patience.  It's important to remember that events will cause change and everyone is doing the best that they can.  In the end, say your peace and move on. 

Recognized the need to focus.  I need to take a few pictures, then put my phone down and be in the moment more. 

Celebrated health. A kidney stone and a week on Percocet really puts things into perspective.  I felt like I slept for a week and nearly missed the Christmas season.  Things are all right now and let's be grateful for that.

Missed my state.  How about less feely posts and more adventurous writing?  I have to get out there and explore.  Grab my park passes and go.  Make reservations.  Hop on the ferry soon.  Put gas in the tank and point on a map.  Write it all down as I go. 




Happy New Years.   


Let's not wait until the 31st, get going now. 

I Jumped

I can't sleep. 

I'm going through another "I'm not living well right now" moment. It has nothing to do with being busy and everything to do with being unhappy. I'm unhappy. With my job, my body, my dreams, my friendships, my state of just being. Blame it on the shorter days, but I've been unhappy and the lack of sunlight just brings it to the surface. 

I know I will be happier in a few months when things open up. But damn it, that's not good enough. Work called on Sunday and my boss made me come in. Halfway there that demand was cancelled. We went home and changed then headed over to a friends house. She had lost a bet and had to jump into the canal. 

I changed out of my work clothes and packed a bag. 

I was jumping too. 

Something inside of me knew it. I was doing it for her, someone who makes me feel wanted and good about myself. But I was also doing it for me because someday I'll tell my kids I jumped into that body of water in November. I lived for a bit even though it was awful and I couldn't feel my arms so the guys pulled me out and I was afraid my pants were going to fall down. 

We jumped and I know it will be a baptism in the end. The day I said I'll go too, didn't hesitate, and gave a thumbs up once I was out. She screamed and hugged me before and after--the friend who would cannonball into freezing, dark blue water in solidarity. I've been through worst with friends. 

This job, these days, this life. I can do better. I have to. I have to let go of the toxic stuff, throw my hands up in the air, and go for something that makes me happy, even if it's freezing and salty. 

Something big needs to happen. And it needs to happen now. 

And

I need to get back to blogging. 

I need to write and record.  I'm going to miss it all if I don't.  Pictures are good enough, but there's nothing like looking back on a post and the words that go with it. 

Life has been so busy.  It will always be busy.  It will most likely get busier. 

But, when something is really important, you'll make time for it. 

So, no promises.  No deadlines.  No agendas.  Just a realization that this is important after all. 

Things I Thought About While On Vacation

I can't wait to do absolutely nothing.

We would use a pool everyday if given the chance. 

Washington State really needs a Cracker Barrel. 

The Westin has the best beds, hand down.

A six hour nap is nothing to be ashamed of. 

I should drink Daiquiris more often. 

Except they're only good at the Ritz-Carlton.

It's good to know people who work at the Ritz-Carlton.

Laying in a hammock in Florida should be on everyone's bucket list.

Two years of marriage goes by very fast. 

Maybe we'll eat our wedding cake on year three. 

Once you see one of these little guys, you see them everywhere. 

I can deglaze even the crappiest of time share pans. 

Palm trees are pretty.

Playing catch in the deep end is a wicked ab work out.

Children are generally annoying.

Parents are worse. 

Do not try to get a late breakfast on a Saturday in a tourist town. Even at McDonalds.

Shells make the best souvenirs.

My husband limits my shell gathering at two handfuls. 

I would have taken shovel fulls. 

I didn't bring back enough shells.

The Gulf is beautiful, but I missed the Atlantic. 

She-crab soup is amazing. 

A great vacation involves eating with the locals. 

I can still do a decent half flip into the pool. 

I should wear more tank tops.

Base tans in October are so in. 

It took me way too long to relax.

My husband makes the best travel companion. 

Minneapolis has the coolest airport. 

I miss Fall. 

I miss my family and friends.

I miss the dogs. 

We are living in the most beautiful place in the world.

I'm ready for anything that comes next. 

Tonight

Ella, Dino, Tony sings their very best in the background. Songs which make you close your eyes and breathe in, hold it, open your heart. 

Nat sings about Stardust. The melody haunts my revelry and I am once again with you. When our love was new and each kiss an inspiration. 

Songs we use to relate to, far away from one another. 

Candles glow. For no reason. No special occasion.

Dogs sleepily play at our feet. 

The bed is half made. 

The curtains dance with the wind. Outside rain mists. 

We read, legs curling with the pups. 

It is so perfect. So simple. 

A night I want to remember when I'm old and grey, smiling that I did all right. 

Of Tan Lines and Bubble Baths

It is dark outside and a cool breeze blows through the window screen.  The leaves rustle on the branch, still green from Spring, but showing their age. I have nothing in mind to write about.  The days mostly fly by but still have their moments of aggravating slowness. The Summer is  gone and with it the realization that there could have been more--more campfires, more swimming, more tomatoes, just more sitting and enjoying.  It could be heartbreaking, it really could.  But it never really gets to that point. There will always be another Summer and now there is a new Fall. 

I get high on Fall. 

No Fall List is necessary (no Summer List this year either, well life is just a bit too busy).  It doesn't require one. I have no reason why, it just doesn't.  Summer calls for bare shoulders, loose schedules, and extroverted behavior.  Fall encourages engulfing sweaters, holiday planning, and a bit of reflection.  The book end to a year and at the same time a chance to start new.  Fall is my favorite. 

  I crave a bit of Fall and a bit of leftover Summer.  A warm bubble bath, glass of wine, and a date with my blog.  Fall.  Tomorrow, falling asleep with the windows open, the smell of the neighbors fire pit wafting in.  Still Summer. 


Another Summer gone.  It's okay.  We'll eat more tomatoes next year. 

In the meantime, let's live in both worlds.