I Stopped Writing.

The mornings were dense with thick fog which lingered over the water, between the trees, hiding the horizon. I woke up the minute I would have at home. The fog, myself, and a dewy bench started the mornings on the island. Others would wake well after the fog had passed, when the sky's pink faded had gone with and I already completed morning. By then, an exchange was made with me and the salt water, a meditation sent forth, and a story already written.  

In the evenings, and every other break, I slipped away and wrote: about the island, the state, the love song I was proud of writing that day, the women who  shared divorce stories like Girl Scout badges, and how surprised I was to already have some things figured out. I wrote because I had to. Deep inside I craved it. The workshop provided very little opportunity and so an even larger void was needed to be filled. The writing flowed until I boarded the ferry boat and from there I haven't written since. 

My goal for the weekend included understanding where to go from here with my writings. To blog or stop. I felt liberated on the boat, disappointed in the opportunity and attitude of some presenters, but with a few choice pieces under my belt by chance and the ability to come ashore again. The weeks after came with some desire to pick up where I left off. But, it didn't happen. The flame had already been extinguished. 

Now, I lay here seven months later, the experience still fresh and still with the same opinion. Except, tonight I write. I write about it and I write about how I feel.  I will credit Doe Bay for allowing me to see what has existed in myself through writing and that should be enough. 

Tonight I write and I think I'll write some more. 

Write.

It is day 2 at Doe Bay. I appreciate the workshop but understand more the need to be in silence. In the circle, I share a story I have never hidden. At break, I duck away--eager for the chance to just be with myself. So many come here to find their whole self. I think I will go away realizing I have discovered that already. 

Now I sit on the beach, under a tree, on top of the driftwood that is dry. I know this place because it is a screenshot of so many parts of Washington. The trees and water are the same. The horizon is the only difference--Olympics replaced by islands. 

I'm glad I came here but the real joy is retuning home to see what you've already built. 

Up and Over

We visited Neah Bay a few weeks ago, as a last-ditch effort to see something good this Summer.  The thick marine layer obstructed most of the view and I felt a little silly driving all that way.  But, the car conversation was worth it and I am happy to know another corner of Washington.

Up there, the highway hugs the coast and curves along the rocks.  The radio and cell phone flips back and forth between US and Canadian signals.  It is, for the most part, just you and your passenger existing in that space.  The remoteness is daunting.  Made worse by the fog.

I don't know if we will go back.  We can't exactly call ahead and ask how the view will be that day.  Still, it is all part of the great state I love, and therefore worthy of a few quick paragraphs.

Fall Resolutions

This is going to be one hell of an October.

I should just stop there because there is nothing more to say.  It has been shared before about my beliefs about the Fall season being more rejuvenating than January 1st.  This is the time of the year to promote change.  Kids go back to school and routines are maintained again.  Fashion magazines are three inches thick because this season is the most exciting of the year.  Screw January.  Cold, boring, with a post-holiday tinsel hangover.  You'll set yourself up for failure every time in January.

But Fall.  Fall is where it's at.

October is going to be one hell of an October for many reasons.

First, its full-blown Fall-- (insert adjective to make Fall an adjective).

Our anniversary is in October.

I literally grew pumpkins this year.  They're on the front porch, including the one the yellow dog picked prematurely.

After ten months, my mother-in-law is moving out and into her own place, across town.

Which means I'll be able to do whatever I want in my own house.

In four days, I'm travelling to Orcas for Write: Doe Bay.  And shit, I'm nervous.


I'm going to over-hype October because I have a feeling it will be well deserved.  Stay tuned.

A Week of Blogging: Summer too

Neighbors pick blackberries at night.

The island empties. 

Calm water. 

Puppies wrestle in bed--the sun already set. 

Shorts and long-sleeves. 

Green tomatoes. 

Almost orange pumpkins. 

Clean, store, nest. 

Last minute barefoot treks on the grass. 

Frisbee and bubbles put away. 

Settling into new routines. 

Nothing really happened this year, except everything. 

Ready for change. 

So long, Sweet Summer. 

A Week of Blogging: Better

I hightailed it upstairs at 730 tonight, beat from a long day of work. I accomplished everything I needed to today, so it was just fine to crawl into bed before the sun set. 

I started a new job this week but am holding onto my old one because I love it there. I'll pop in when needed and when I need it too. Working like this makes me feel strong. It's exhilarating to be free from the obligation of school and more able to contribute. I like the routine and knowing what the days will look like. However, my new job allows me to be independent and creative. I am very lucky right now. 

This is my favorite time of year. New everything. Screw you Jan 1st. It starts now. I want to be really careful with the decisions I make from now on. I want to take my time and look for quality, whether it is a new shirt or relationship. Big or small, I have the opportunity to focus on what I want now that the stress of this last year is over. 

And I am firmly sticking with my decision to go to bed early. 

A Week of Blogging: Ellie

Day 2.

We knew right away we would need another dog. She would never be replaced, that would be impossible. But the thought of Maggie with no buddy was unbearable, so we began our search. At first it was frustrating-- dead ends and scam artists. I would get back in the car on the ride home and cry because there was only one dog I wanted and she was gone. 

Then we visited a house on a little farm, with golden sunshine streaming through the trees. The big dogs waved their tales in unison. The owner stated this one was small, and she was right. But she was also attentive and sensitive. And well, she made things a bit better. 

We named her Ellie. 

She is little but mighty. Her puppy smell is strong and her ears are soft. She has a nearly silent breathy sound when she's excited and about to pounce. Her obsession with food rivals the other two. I mean, lord she is crazy about it.  She follows me everywhere and I have stepped on her a lot. 

Maggie is unsure and never dominant. It's painful to watch her find her new place. K says this new puppy will learn all the things Maggie learned from Lilly. We will see Lilly in Maggie. It will come full circle.  

Life is so different at the end of the Summer than the beginning. It takes my breath away sometimes. We still grieve, we always will. But at least we can fill the other moments with puppy snuggles and see the world with new eyes.