Go to the Water

Today I had just enough time to throw on a windbreaker before the sun completely set.

The workday was still heavy on my shoulders. I had been incapable of shaking the energy that weighed down the entire shift. Nothing had gone right, even though nothing had really happened. I was going to give up and spend the rest of the day on the couch. I was fortunate enough to get home before dark for once. I went inside and completely changed my mind.

"No. One more thing." Is what I heard.

"Find the water."

So I threw on the jacket and hauled the dogs back out the door.

We reached the beach with moments still left in the day.

The dogs ran wild, ate mysterious sea things, I yelled and it seemed all completely hopeless. Next time they will stay home and I will sit and stare.

We walked home as the rain started to fall. As if it was telling me, "go inside now. There's nothing more you can do." Accept that today was a lousy day and maybe tomorrow I can start all over.

At least I can try again.

Right Now

The rain is hitting the roof.

My favorite sound.

Winter hasn't been so bad this year. My view has changed though.

I write on my phone on an old futon in my brothers old room. The dogs stay with me. I do this once a week to save on gas and to catch up.

I wish I would write more. I wish I would write more for me.


Lately I've felt like I'm no longer really good at a couple of things. It's probably because I've slacked off or because I don't challenge myself enough.

If I were really good at a couple of new things it would be astronomy, baking tarts, naming the Olympic mountain peaks, and skipping stones.

It's a secret relief to know that I'm still amazing at parallel parking. As if I haven't left the city.

I don't want anything else for this year but to enjoy myself. Emphasis on myself.


We have focused more on growing in our spiritual relationship and so I feel it necessary to also get lost in the woods more. That's more well rounded for my taste.


If no one reads any of this will it matter to me?

Or do I fear more that no one will read it in several years when everything is different and its harder to understand or remember what I use to feel?

Today I walked out of the grocery store in the rain and passed an old man with a cane who was done with his cart. I asked if I could take that back for him and he smiled big. I did so then started to tear up in my car. Why?


The seed catalog came in the mail today. So much for waiting to see what grows.


This always, always feels good.